whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
