I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
