Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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