i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize