Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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