friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
