there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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