yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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