i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
