Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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