Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
