Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
