So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
