do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
