Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
