A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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