Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.