So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
