Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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