But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
