i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
