Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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