Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
