im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
