oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
