so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
