someone threw a dead crab at me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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