i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize