Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
