So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
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Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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