Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
