I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think i have herpe
just one?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
