I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
