I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
