Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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