Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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