We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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