Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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