you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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