I just saw a hot homeless man
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
