i permit you to call me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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