I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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