it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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