This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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