I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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