; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
