4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
