she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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