I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize