I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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