I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
