I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
