first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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