Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
