I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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