Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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