"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
